There we go again...
My brother, sister and I were up last night talking and my brother proceeded to tell me and my sister a funny occurrence.
He said,
"Oh, you know right, that time TYT (an ex-classmate of mine who knows my brother in City Harvest, Melbourne) had a bunch of friends who came to visit her and she introduced me as, '这个是 shu ling 的哥哥' and then the guy whispers to TYT (barely a whisper) '是不是那个肥肥的?'
HAHAHA... And then I told him '是那个肥肥的!'"
My brother took it as a joke but I was angry. I wanted to find out so badly who that person was but there were no clues, so I gave up.
I guess partly why I always tell Yin that all these people I used to go to school with don't remember me is because I want to believe it myself. I really want to be transparent, I don't want them to remember me as that fat girl and laugh about me in the years to come. Yes I was that fat girl and still am fat, but if others can only remember me for being that fat girl in class, I'd rather them not remember me at all. At least I'd have one less opinion to be bothered about.
Sometimes I wish I had some eating disorder which would make me lose weight instantly and then the only thing I would get are: concerns and praises for being skinny, and people telling me to eat more. I do think those thoughts sometimes even though I know it's not healthy to have an eating disorder because of the mental state the person is put through. It's not even funny. I'm sorry.
It's just, I want people to stop judging me physically. I judge myself enough and kill myself daily for being fat. Isn't that enough? Maybe he didn't mean anything and it was a passing statement, or maybe I am too sensitive towards these things. But really, please stop. I can't take it all over again.
He said,
"Oh, you know right, that time TYT (an ex-classmate of mine who knows my brother in City Harvest, Melbourne) had a bunch of friends who came to visit her and she introduced me as, '这个是 shu ling 的哥哥' and then the guy whispers to TYT (barely a whisper) '是不是那个肥肥的?'
HAHAHA... And then I told him '是那个肥肥的!'"
My brother took it as a joke but I was angry. I wanted to find out so badly who that person was but there were no clues, so I gave up.
I guess partly why I always tell Yin that all these people I used to go to school with don't remember me is because I want to believe it myself. I really want to be transparent, I don't want them to remember me as that fat girl and laugh about me in the years to come. Yes I was that fat girl and still am fat, but if others can only remember me for being that fat girl in class, I'd rather them not remember me at all. At least I'd have one less opinion to be bothered about.
Sometimes I wish I had some eating disorder which would make me lose weight instantly and then the only thing I would get are: concerns and praises for being skinny, and people telling me to eat more. I do think those thoughts sometimes even though I know it's not healthy to have an eating disorder because of the mental state the person is put through. It's not even funny. I'm sorry.
It's just, I want people to stop judging me physically. I judge myself enough and kill myself daily for being fat. Isn't that enough? Maybe he didn't mean anything and it was a passing statement, or maybe I am too sensitive towards these things. But really, please stop. I can't take it all over again.
Comments
you're not the only one who thinks those thoughts.
most importantly let's be healthy.
ps. the word verification starts with 'diu' which very much sounds like 'tiu' wtf.
hwaitinggg~! currently, i just accept the way i am and go with the flow - karma baby, karma~ ;D